Rule #1 of being an effective manager:

Speaker phone is awesome. Everyone around you in the office wants to hear your conversation, and the person on the other end loves it when your voice is all muffled and echo-y.

"STATE OF OKLAHOMA
1st Session of the 51st Legislature (2007)
HOUSE BILL 1804 By: Terrill

AS INTRODUCED

An Act relating to illegal immigration; creating the Oklahoma Taxpayer and Citizen Protection Act of 2007; stating legislative purpose; making certain acts unlawful; providing penalties; amending 21 O.S. 2001, Section 1550.42, which relates to identification documentation; requiring issuance of identification documents to certain persons; providing exceptions; stating period of validity; providing for renewal under certain circumstances; providing presumption of validity for renewal, duplication or reissuance of driver license; requiring determination of citizenship status for persons charged with certain crime; requiring verification of persons determined to be a foreign national; providing time limitation for verification; requiring notification to certain entities; deeming certain persons to be a flight risk; requiring certain entity to prepare and issue certain guidelines and procedures; defining terms; requiring participation in certain pilot program; prohibiting certain persons from entering into contracts; providing an exception; providing for cause of action under certain circumstances; requiring certain agency to promulgate certain rules and regulations; requiring agencies and political subdivisions to verify lawful presence of persons applying for certain benefits; providing for nondiscriminatory treatment; excluding verification under certain circumstances; requiring execution of affidavit; requiring certain applicant to receive benefits through the Systematic Alien Verification of Entitlement Program; making certain actions subject to certain criminal penalties; authorizing adoption of variations to stated requirements; requiring certain entities to submit an annual compliance report; requiring Secretary of State to monitor certain program; requiring publication of annual report and certain recommendations; requiring the withholding of percentage of state income tax under certain circumstances; providing for tax liability for noncompliance; providing an exception; directing Attorney General to negotiate terms of certain memorandum; requiring certain signatures; prohibiting certain actions by government entities; authorizing private right of action under certain circumstances; providing for noncodification; providing for codification; and providing an effective date.

BE IT ENACTED BY THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF OKLAHOMA:

SECTION 1. NEW LAW A new section of law not to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes reads as follows:
This act shall be known and may be cited as the “Oklahoma Taxpayer and Citizen Protection Act of 2007”.

SECTION 2. NEW LAW A new section of law not to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes reads as follows:
The State of Oklahoma finds that illegal immigration is causing economic hardship and lawlessness in this state and that illegal immigration is encouraged by public agencies within this state that provide public benefits without verifying immigration status. The State of Oklahoma further finds that illegal immigrants have been harbored and sheltered in this state and encouraged to reside in this state through the issuance of identification cards that are issued without verifying immigration status, and that these practices impede and obstruct the enforcement of federal immigration law, undermine the security of our borders, and impermissibly restrict the privileges and immunities of the citizens of Oklahoma.

Therefore, the people of the State of Oklahoma declare that it is a compelling public interest of this state to discourage illegal immigration by requiring all agencies within this state to fully cooperate with federal immigration authorities in the enforcement of federal immigration laws. The State of Oklahoma also finds that other measures are necessary to ensure the integrity of various governmental programs and services."

"SECTION 3. NEW LAW A new section of law to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes as Section 446 of Title 21, unless there is created a duplication in numbering, reads as follows:

A. It shall be unlawful for any person to transport, move, or attempt to transport within the United States any alien knowing or in reckless disregard of the fact that the alien has come to, entered, or remained in the United States in violation of law, in furtherance of the illegal presence of the alien in the United States."

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"Good morning officer. Is there a problem?"

"That depends on Sanchez over there in the passenger seat."

"...His name is Juan Martinez, sir."

"Whatever. Where are you two going?"

"I'm giving him a ride to work. He's a friend, and his car wouldn't start this morning."

"I see. Is he legal?"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Is Jose here in Oklahoma legally?"

"...errr...ummm...well, I dunno, I never thought to ask Juan."

"Seems pretty reckless to me."

"Reckless? He moved into next door a few months ago. We got to know each other and ...you know, I just never thought I needed to ask for his papers."

"Let's see some identification, Mr. Martinez."

...
(a few minutes later)
...

"I'm afraid you're both under arrest."

B.S.

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"B. It shall be unlawful for any person to conceal, harbor, or shelter from detection any alien in any place, including any building or means of transportation, knowing or in reckless disregard of the fact that the alien has come to, entered, or remained in the United States in violation of law."

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My father and my wife both teach English classes for Spanish-speaking people on Wednesday evenings at my parent's church. They do it, mainly, because the love Jesus. At these classes, they choose not to ask each person who comes and looks a little too brown for their papers; they're not an extension of the effing INS; they are there to improve the lives of fellow humans.

Some people might call that reckless.

B.S.

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"C. Any person violating the provisions of subsections A or B of this section shall, upon conviction, be guilty of a felony punishable by imprisonment in the custody of the Department of Corrections for not less than one (1) year, or by a fine of not less than One Thousand Dollars ($1,000.00), or by both such fine and imprisonment."

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These penalties are much too harsh considering the broadness of the previous two sections. If my father or wife get sent to prison or fined one thousand dollars, I'm moving to Mexico.

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"SECTION 4. AMENDATORY 21 O.S. 2001, Section 1550.42, is amended to read as follows: Section 1550.42

A. The following entities may create, publish or otherwise manufacture an identification document, identification card, or identification certificate and may possess an engraved plate or other such devise for the printing of such identification; provided, the name of the issuing entity shall be clearly printed upon the face of the identification:

1. Businesses, companies, corporations, service organizations and federal, state and local governmental agencies for employee identification which is designed to identify the bearer as an employee;

2. Businesses, companies, corporations and service organizations for customer identification which is designed to identify the bearer as a customer or member;

3. Federal, state and local government agencies for purposes authorized or required by law or any legitimate purpose consistent with the duties of such an agency, including but not limited to, voter identification cards, driver's driver licenses, nondriver's nondriver identification cards, passports, birth certificates and social security cards;

4. Any public school or state or private educational institution, as defined by Sections 1 106, 21 101 or 3102 of Title 70 of the Oklahoma Statutes, to identify the bearer as an administrator, faculty member, student or employee;

5. Any professional organization or labor union to identify the bearer as a member of the professional organization or labor union; and

6. Businesses, companies or corporations which manufacture medical alert identification for the wearer thereof.

B. All identification documents as provided for in paragraph 3 or 4 of subsection A of this section shall be issued only to United States citizens, legal permanent resident aliens, or holders of valid unexpired nonimmigrant visas.

C. The provisions of subsection B of this section shall not apply when an applicant presents, in person, valid documentary evidence of:

1. A valid, unexpired immigrant or nonimmigrant visa status for admission into the United States;

2. A pending or approved application for asylum in the United States;

3. Admission into the United States in refugee status;

4. A pending or approved application for temporary protected status in the United States;

5. Approved deferred action status; or

6. A pending application for adjustment of status to legal permanent residence status or conditional resident status.
Upon approval, the applicant may be issued an identification document provided for in paragraph 3 or 4 of subsection A of this section. Such identification document shall be valid only during the period of time of the authorized stay of the applicant in the United States or if there is no definite end to the period of authorized stay, a period of one (1) year. Any identification document issued pursuant to the provisions of this subsection shall clearly indicate that it is temporary and shall state the date that the identification document expires. Such identification document may be renewed only upon presentation of valid documentary evidence that the status by which the applicant qualified for the identification document has been extended by the United States Immigration and Naturalization Service or the Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services of the United States Department of Homeland Security.

D. Any driver license for which an application has been made for renewal, duplication or reissuance shall be presumed to have been issued in accordance with the provisions of subsection C of this section, provided that, at the time the application is made, the driver license has not expired, or been cancelled, suspended or revoked. The requirements of subsection C of this section shall apply, however, to a renewal, duplication or reissuance if the Department of Public Safety is notified by a local, state or federal government agency that the individual seeking such renewal, duplication or reissuance is neither a citizen of the United States nor legally in the United States."

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This all seems to be fairly legitimate. It's basically just saying that State-issued IDs are for legal residents only. I don't supposed that is too unreasonable.

"SECTION 5. NEW LAW A new section of law to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes as Section 171.2 of Title 22, unless there is created a duplication in numbering, reads as follows:

A. When a person charged with a felony or with driving under the influence pursuant to Section 11-902 of Title 47 of the Oklahoma Statutes is confined, for any period, in the jail of the county, any municipality or a jail operated by a regional jail authority, a reasonable effort shall be made to determine the citizenship status of the person so confined."

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I'm sure white people will be scrutinized just as much brown people.

B.S.

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"B. If the prisoner is a foreign national, the keeper of the jail or other officer shall make a reasonable effort to verify that the prisoner has been lawfully admitted to the United States and if lawfully admitted, that such lawful status has not expired. If verification of lawful status can not be made from documents in the possession of the prisoner, verification shall be made within forty-eight hours through a query to the Law Enforcement Support Center of the United States Department of Homeland Security or other office or agency designated for that purpose by the United States Department of Homeland Security. If the prisoner is determined not to be lawfully admitted to the United States, the keeper of the jail or other officer shall notify the United States Department of Homeland Security.

C. For the purpose of determining the grant of or issuance of bond, a person whose citizenship status has been verified pursuant to subsection B of this section to be a foreign national who has not been lawfully admitted to the United States, shall be deemed to be a risk of flight."

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I thought we wanted "those people to go back to where they came from." ;-)

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"D. The Oklahoma Sheriffs’ Association shall prepare and issue guidelines and procedures used to comply with the provisions of this section."

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Until then, use this handy guide:


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"SECTION 6. NEW LAW A new section of law to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes as Section 1312 of Title 25, unless there is created a duplication in numbering, reads as follows:
As used in Sections 6 and 7 of this act, the term:

1. “Basic Pilot Program” shall mean the electronic verification of work authorization program of the Illegal Immigration Reform and Immigration Responsibility Act of 1996, P.L 104-208, Division C, Section 403(a); 8 U.S.C. 1324a, and operated by the United States Department of Homeland Security or any equivalent federal work authorization program operated by the United States Department of Homeland Security or any other designated federal agency authorized to verify the work authorization status of newly hired employees, pursuant to the Immigration Reform and Control Act of 1986 (IRCA), D.L. 99-603;

2. “Public employer” means every department, agency, or instrumentality of the state or a political subdivision of the state; and

3. “Subcontractor” includes a subcontractor, contract employee, staffing agency, or any contractor regardless of its tier."

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Ok, just getting some definitions out of the way.

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"SECTION 7. NEW LAW A new section of law to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes as Section 1313 of Title 25, unless there is created a duplication in numbering, reads as follows:

A. Every public employer shall register and participate in the Basic Pilot Program to verify the work authorization status of all new employees.

B. 1. No public employer shall enter into a contract for the physical performance of services within this state unless the contractor registers and participates in the Basic Pilot Program to verify the work authorization status of all new employees.

2. No contractor or subcontractor who enters a contract with a public employer shall enter into such a contract or subcontract in connection with the physical performance of services within this state unless the contractor or subcontractor registers and participates in the Basic Pilot Program to verify information of all new employees.

3. The discharge of any United States citizen or permanent resident alien employee by an employer of this state, who, on the date of the discharge employed an unauthorized alien, shall be an unfair trade practice as defined in Section 752 of Title 15 of the Oklahoma Statutes. The discharged employee shall have a private cause of action for such unfair trade practice."

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I'm bit confused by the term "employer of this state." Are we still referring to a "public employer," i.e., a state agency, or does this apply to just any ol' employer? Either way, I can't say that this provision is all that unreasonable. I can see it being used to punish companies who fire US citizens in order to hire a few illegals for sub-minimum wages, which is, in my opinion, fairly despicable.

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"C. The provisions of this section shall be enforced without regard to race or national origin."

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Uh-huh.

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"D. The Department of Labor shall prescribe forms and promulgate rules and regulations deemed necessary in order to administer and effectuate the provisions of this section and publish such rules and regulations on the Department of Labor website."

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Until then, use this handy guide:

"SECTION 8. NEW LAW A new section of law to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes as Section 71 of Title 56, unless there is created a duplication in numbering, reads as follows:

A. Except as provided in subsection C of this section or where exempted by federal law, every agency or a political subdivision of this state shall verify the lawful presence in the United States of any natural person fourteen (14) years of age or older who has applied for state or local public benefits, as defined in 8 U.S.C. Section 1621, or for federal public benefits, as defined in 8 U.S.C. Section 1611, that is administered by an agency or a political subdivision of this state."

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"...any natural person..."

Zombies get a pass.

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"B. The provisions of this section shall be enforced without regard to race, religion, gender, ethnicity, or national origin."
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Uh-huh.

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"C. Verification of lawful presence under the provisions of this section shall not be required:

1. For any purpose for which lawful presence in the United States is not restricted by law, ordinance, or regulation;

2. For assistance for health care items and services that are necessary for the treatment of an emergency medical condition, as defined in 42 U.S.C. Section 1396b(v)(3), of the alien involved and are not related to an organ transplant procedure;

3. For short-term, noncash, in-kind emergency disaster relief;

4. For public health assistance for immunizations with respect to diseases and for testing and treatment of symptoms of communicable diseases whether or not such symptoms are caused by a communicable disease; or

5. For programs, services, or assistance such as soup kitchens, crisis counseling and intervention, and short-term shelter specified by the United States Attorney General, in the sole and unreviewable discretion of the United States Attorney General after consultation with appropriate federal agencies and departments,

which:

a. deliver in-kind services at the community level, including through public or private nonprofit agencies,

b. do not condition the provision of assistance, the amount of assistance provided, or the cost of assistance provided on the income or resources of the individual recipient, and

c. are necessary for the protection of life or safety;

or

6. For prenatal care."
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I'm not sure if Section 8.5 refers solely to programs and such provided by an "agency or a political subdivision of this state" or refers to any program provided by anybody. I sincerely hope it is the former.

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"D. Verification of lawful presence in the United States by the agency or political subdivision required to make such verification shall require that the applicant execute an affidavit under penalty of perjury that:

1. He or she is a United States citizen; or

2. He or she is a qualified alien under the federal Immigration and Nationality Act, and is lawfully present in the United States.

E. For any applicant who has executed the affidavit described in paragraph 2 of subsection D of this section, eligibility for benefits shall be made through the Systematic Alien Verification of Entitlement program operated by the United States Department of Homeland Security or a successor program designated by the United States Department of Homeland Security. Until such eligibility verification is made, the affidavit may be presumed to be proof of lawful presence for the purposes of this section.

F. Any person who knowingly and willfully makes a false, fictitious, or fraudulent statement of representation in an affidavit executed pursuant to subsection D of this section shall be
subject to criminal penalties applicable in this state for fraudulently obtaining public assistance program benefits. If the affidavit constitutes a false claim of U.S. citizenship under 18 U.S.C. Section 911 a complaint shall be filed by the agency requiring the affidavit with the United States Attorney for the Western District of Oklahoma.

G. Agencies or political subdivisions of this state may adopt variations to the requirements of the provisions of this section which demonstrably improve the efficiency or reduce delay in the verification process, or to provide for adjudication of unique individual circumstances where the verification procedures in this section would impose unusual hardship on a legal resident of Oklahoma."
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Such as this handy guide:


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"H. It shall be unlawful for any agency or a political subdivision of this state to provide any state, local, or federal benefit, as defined in 8 U.S.C. Section 1621 or 8 U.S.C. Section 1611, in violation of the provisions of this section.

I. Each state agency or department which administers any program of state or local public benefits shall provide an annual report to the Office of the Secretary of State with respect to its compliance with the provisions of this section. Any and all errors shall be reported to the United States Department of Homeland Security by the Secretary of State. The Secretary of State shall monitor the Systematic Alien Verification of Entitlement program and its verification application errors and significant delays and shall provide an annual public report on such errors and significant delays, and recommendations to ensure that the application of the Systematic Alien Verification of Entitlement program is not erroneously denying benefits to legal residents of Oklahoma."

"SECTION 9. NEW LAW A new section of law to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes as Section 2385.32 of Title 68, unless there is created a duplication in numbering, reads as follows:

A. The employer shall be required to withhold state income tax at the rate of six percent (6%) of the amount of compensation paid to an individual which compensation is required to be reported on Form 1099 and with respect to which the individual has failed to provide a valid Social Security Number, issued by the U.S. Social Security Administration.

B. Any employer who fails to comply with the withholding requirements of this subsection shall be liable for the taxes required to have been withheld unless such employer is exempt from federal withholding with respect to such individual pursuant to a properly filed Internal Revenue Service Form 8233 or its equivalent, and has provided a copy of such form to the Oklahoma Tax Commission."

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I don't guess there is anything objectionable in this section. I do wonder, though, how this worked before this law.

As I understand it, the whole point of Form 1099 work is so an employer can hire a person for an odd job or two without having to go through all the HR hassle of tax withholdings, etc.; it is entirely up to the employee to send the IRS their cut of the earnings.

Now, the employer has to worry about verifying the identification of the Form 1099 employee. If they are lazy or the employee is particularly sneaky, then Oklahoma gets to go to the employer for their cut instead of tracking the person who actually stiffed them.

But I'm sure this law is more about national security and securing our borders and keeping those freeloaders from stealing our jobs and adorable puppies than it is a racially opportunistic ploy to make it easier for Oklahoma to get its money from somebody, right or wrong.

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"SECTION 10. NEW LAW A new section of law to be codified in the Oklahoma Statutes as Section 20J of Title 74, unless there is created a duplication in numbering, reads as follows:

A. The Attorney General is authorized and directed to negotiate the terms of a Memorandum of Understanding between the State of Oklahoma and the United States Department of Justice or the United States Department of Homeland Security concerning the enforcement of federal immigration and custom laws, detention and removals, and investigations in the State of Oklahoma.

B. The Memorandum of Understanding negotiated pursuant to subsection A of this section shall be signed on behalf of this state by the Attorney General and the Governor or as otherwise required by the appropriate federal agency.

C. No local government, whether acting through its governing body or by an initiative, referendum, or any other process, shall enact any ordinance or policy that limits or prohibits a law enforcement officer, local official, or local government employee from communicating or cooperating with federal officials with regard to the immigration status of any person within this state.

D. Notwithstanding any other provision of law, no government entity or official within the State of Oklahoma, may prohibit, or in any way restrict, any government entity or official from sending to, or receiving from, the United States Department of Homeland Security, information regarding the citizenship or immigration status, lawful or unlawful, of any individual.

E. Notwithstanding any other provision of law, no person or agency may prohibit, or in any way restrict, a public employee from doing any of the following with respect to information regarding the immigration status, lawful or unlawful, of any individual:

1. Sending such information to, or requesting or receiving such information from, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security;

2. Maintaining such information; or

3. Exchanging such information with any other federal, state, or local government entity.

F. The provisions of this section shall allow for a private right of action by any natural or legal person lawfully domiciled in this state to file for a writ of mandamus to compel any non-cooperating local state governmental agency to comply with such reporting laws.

SECTION 11. This act shall become effective November 1, 2007.

51-1-5519 GRS 01/09/07"

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As a Oklahoma taxpayer and citizen, I feel so effing protected now.

I had to fill out an Employee Medical Health Questionnaire form recently since my company is changing insurance providers. The form I had to fill out had a huge list of questions I had to answer, like:

• Is your heart currently exploding?    [] Yes  [] No


• Will you die tomorrow?    [] Yes  [] No


• Have you ever been sick?    [] Yes(You're icky!)  []No

Ok, those aren't really questions on the EMHQ, but this one was:

"Have you, or any dependent ever had or been told they had, been medically counseled or treated for any of the following?
.
.
.

Alcohol or drug use, abuse and/or dependency?
.
.
. "

Seriously? Since I drink beer occasionally, I have to answer "yes" to the same question to which alcoholics, crack smokers, and meth addicts also have to answer "yes?" No distinction is needed between "I drank wine 10 years ago and hated it and have never touched alcohol since," and "I use meth every day. I just can't get enough meth. Meth, meth, meth, it's all I need. Hey, why am I filling out this form? It's not meth!"?

In order to help this insurance provider save on printing costs, I redesigned their EMHQ form for them completely free of charge. I hope this kind gesture will help them look past the fact that I either drank beer once, or smoke 5 pounds of crack every day, so that they will insure me, because I really need someone to deny me some medical claims.

Here is my redesigned form:

While browsing Wikipedia recently, I came upon the article for Heroin. I found this line to be particularly interesting:

"Ironically, benzodiazepines are often used in the treatment of heroin addiction while they cause much more severe withdrawal symptoms."

Now, I've just finished withdrawing from the very potent benzodiazepine Alprazolam, otherwise known as Xanax (which I took only as prescribed by my doctor). I'm drug-free as of 05-04-2007.

Withdrawing from Xanax was (and continues to be) absolutely no fun, but I am still alive. I'm making it through...my heart will go on.

Given that I've made it through benzodiazepine withdrawal and that withdrawing from Heroin is easier, I think it is obvious what my next step should be*.




----------------
* ;-) **

================
**So I don't get fired.

P.S. This is a repost.

Sorry. Forgot the spoiler warning. Anyways, as I was saying before... Harry Potter Dies!

So I was headed to the bathroom while at work, and happened to notice hundreds of boxes with the Harry Potter and Scholastic labels on them, and one of them had busted open. Opening or tampering with packages is a firing offense at UPS, but what kind of older brother would I be if I didn't do everything in my power to ruin the ending of the only book series my youngest sister has religiously read? So as quickly as I could, I grabbed up one of the books and headed to the only quiet, secure place in the entire hub. My initial plan was just to flip through as quick as possible and learn as much as possible as fast as possible. But an hour later, when one of the managers found me with the pilfered goods, I'd flipped through or speed-read a good chunk of the second half. It might have cost me my job, but that was a small price to pay.

So without further ado, the second half of Deathly Hallows, abridged.

Early in the book Ron gets Hermione pregnant, they keep it a secret until she is showing, and their parents force them to marry. They publicly announce a wedding date, knowing that it will be targeted by Death Eaters and that it is likely that Voldemort himself will show up. The Order of the Phoenix use this as a chance to ambush the D.E., and a massive battle ensues. Apparently by this time 5 of the 6 horcruxes are gone, and with the help of Wormtail, Voldemort is dispatched by Harry. Harry realizes that he is the last horcrux, and decides it's time to off himself while the battle is still raging. He can't bring himself to do it, so he confronts Malfoy (the younger) who has just injured Neville Longbottom. Harry verbally tears into Malfoy, driving him into a rage. Until this point, Malfoy has been only using non-lethal spells, and Harry continues to torment him until he breaks down and uses the killing spell. Harry dies, and Neville confronts Malfoy. With their leaders gone, both the O. of P. and the D.E.'s will to fight diminishes and the D.E. start retreating.

Harry is buried as a hero, and numerous familiar faces show up to pay respect. Neville becomes the new face of the OotP and is singled out and praised by the papers for his heroic actions, and he gets the girl (Luna Lovegood). When the Malfoy the older finds out what the younger has done, he is initially angry, but then sees the power vacuum created in the D.E. and decides to try and fill it. His first task for the reformed D.E.'s is to track down and kill as many of the good guys as possible without drawing too much attention to themselves. Mr. Weasley gets run down in a traffic accident, and Hagrid gets mauled by one of his strange beasts. The good werewolves get attacked by a pack of evil werewolves and it is undetermined if they make it out alive.

Ron and Hermione's daughter is born, and then decide to name her Lily. They get attacked by the Malfoys, and even through Ron managed to petrify the younger, the older kills him and then moves in to finish off Hermione. She sacrifices her life to save her kid, and blah blah blah, the whole cycle starts over again. The book ends with an epilogue set 11 years later as Lily Weasley sets off for her first year at Hogwarts. (Don't be surprised if in a couple of years you see Lily Weasley books coming out.) But then, after the acknowledgments, there is a sort of extra scene where Mr. Weasley, thought dead but just in a coma, wakes up to find the entire British Isle has been over run with zombies. The End.

Why do you socialists HATE AMERICA?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kmlm7UPtSw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVh75ylAUXY

Ingredients:

Cinnamon Rolls:
2 8 oz. packages crescent rolls
1/2 cup margarine, softened
1/4 cup sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon

Glaze:
1 cup powdered sugar
2 tbsp. milk (or apple juice (???))

Instructions:

Cinnamon Rolls:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Separate crescent rolls into rectangles by pressing two triangle pieces together.

Spread margarine over newly-formed rectangles.

Combine sugar and cinnamon.

Sprinkle cinnamon and sugar mixture over rectangles.

Roll up each rectangle, starting from a short end.

Cut each rolled-up rectangle into 5 slices.

Place slices into an non-greased, round stoneware baking dish. If you do not have such a dish, use something else.

Put baking dish into the 350 degree oven, and bake for 20-25 minutes, or until golden brown.

Glaze:
Mix powdered sugar and milk (or apple juice (???)). Drizzle mixture on top of warm cinnamon rolls.

my new goal in life: create and sustain for atleast one year (or three media scandals, whichever comes first) an organization called "Gay Abortionists for Christ."

The film Death of a President is absolutely fascinating, but for reasons completely different that what i was expecting. It's a future-history about the assassination of President Bush, composed out of what looks like stock footage, a few staged scenes, interviews, and fake news reports. . . oh, and real speeches from members of the administration that are cut up, slightly over-dubbed, or in some other way modified. Some of the technical achievements were distracting because of how unnoticeable they were. It's much more of a political/conspiracy thriller in the veins of JFK than I initially imagined it to be, but even so it's a compelling watch. It wasn't as much of a polemic as I initially envisioned, but did pack a punch.
Whereas Fast Food Nation: The Movie: The Ride didn't work at all (except for the scenes with Kris Kristofferson). Everything in it is just so flat (except the Kristofferson, Bruce Willis, and Ethan Hawke), and the biggest problem for me is that it fictionalizes shit that actually goes on. Richard Linklater doesn't give anyone a Hollywood ending, but the ideas this movie is trying to get across would be much better served by a cheap video camera documenting a real person involved (or, you know, you could read the book). I guess the problem is that i'm not one for edutainment.
And that's what makes this unintentional double feature interesting: Death of a President uses real footage to create a believable fiction that has real impact, and Fast Food Nation sugarcoats the truth and distracts us from reality to the point it becomes irrelevant.
---
oh, and after the third watching of 300 (promised i'd take my sister 3 weeks ago, and am just now getting to it. i'm a terrible brother), i can't buy that the Queen would put up with that shit. I can understand that 300 needed to be pumped-up time wise, but adding the political thriller sub-plot is just frustrating.
Now if we can only get the Grindhouse/Hot Fuzz at the drive-in. .

I'm about to get really nerdy. Be warned.

So I finally saw TMNT today, and I absolutely loved it. Walking out of the theater (while at target, and on the way home), I kept exclaiming to Aubrie how fantastic the movie was, and it's only after thinking about it for hours while I threw boxes that I figured out why. The Ninja Turtles have always been THE franchise for me. Yes, G.I. Joe and the Transformers were cool, but nothing was as prevalent in my youth as the Turtles. When I visited my grandparents in Florida for two weeks one summer, the friends I made there I made because of my Baxter Stockman as Fly-man action figure. There were numerous Turtle themed birthday parties here in the city, and one lucky bastard's birthday was on the day the second movie came out (and his parents bought us all tickets to go see it), so of course everyone showed up to that party. Even when I was home alone, it was a good bet that Raphael would win the Battle Royale that included Cyclops, Magneto, Optimus Prime, the Cobra Commander and others.

TMNT succeeded, more than any other movie in a long time, in taking me back to that time. This is the kind of movie Superman Returns wanted to be: paying tribute to the stories already told, capturing the magic for a new generation, and serving as a launching point for future stories.

At first viewing, TMNT takes all of the strengths and none of the weaknesses from the previous incarnations. Yeah, it has it's cheesy moments, but compared to even the first movie, it's been toned down a lot (I have it on both VHS and DVD and will be happy to lend them out if you don't believe me. I think I even have an episode of two of the old show around here someplace for further comparison). It's darker than the other incarnations, but still manages to bring the humor. The foot clan isn't a group of robots or street thugs, but an group of real ninjas and are believable as a threat. The movie focuses a lot on the Ralph/Leo conflict, which in my mind is fine because I've always been a sucker for that, but Mikey and Don do get pushed to the sidelines. I'll probably go back and see it in the theater again, and I'll be more critical regarding the animation and some aspects of the plot. It's not a perfect movie, but for two hours it was like 16 years ago, and that was perfect.

happy aniversary, adam and kimberly. now get rid of that second bank account, have lots of kids, and let there uncle ryan raise them up in his image...

http://satanhateslife.com/
wtf? sometimes i look forward to the eschaton just so i won't have to deal with this crap anymore.

I started taking Xanax XR about 2 months ago for Panic Disorder. At first, the medication helped, and the side-effects were minimal.

That was then, though, and this is now. Now is different, and considerably more withdrawal-y-er.

It seems I have developed a tolerance to the drug, and so I have been experiencing inter-dose withdrawal symptoms. These have included: numbness, tingling, muscle tension, muscle spasms, blurred vision, depression, and diarrhea like you wouldn't believe. So, all in all, it's been a fantastic week.

From the reading that I have done over the last few days, it appears that my only not-completely-unpleasant option out of all this is to switch myself from Xanax XR (alprazolam) to an equivalent dosage of Valium (diazepam), a benzodiazepine with a much longer half-life and lower potency, and then slowly, as in, over a period of many months, ween myself off of the Valium. The main reason for the switch to Valium is because Valium comes in much smaller dosages and thus allows one to make smaller, more gradual dosage cuts, which allows for a more gradual, hopefully less-withdrawal-stricken return to a drug-free state.

All of this after only 2 months on the stuff! I got addicted and I didn't even know it! Hooray!

Me = grumpy.

So this semester I'm taking a class on film noir at UCO. It meets one day a week, and we watch a film, hear a short lecture, and have the post-film discussion that every movie geek craves (there's even time for a cigarette break). If I had known that film (as literature) classes were this easy I would have started taking them four
years ago.

My justification for taking this class (and shelling out money that I should be saving up) is two fold:
1) It's a class where I show up once a week, watch a awesome movie, and talk about it. Conceptually there is nothing cooler.
2) Many of my story ideas are in some way influenced by noir's style, and most of that influence comes from neo-noir works (Pulp Fiction, Gattaca, The Man Who Wasn't There, Dark City, etc.). It will be incredibly helpful to go back to the roots of the movement (It's not really a genre, it's too tied to a specific time and place).

Ernie (music producer, music minister, piano teacher, and all around cool guy)has had a lot of contact with the owner of one of the comic shops in norman over the last decade, and the owner (I forget his name) has written and published a couple independant comics. Sometime in the next couple of weeks I'm hoping to set up an appoint with him and try and glean as much information about getting started in indie comics as I can from him. I have a couple general ideas for stories and one almost fully developed story brewing in my head, and I need to get them out of there to clear some room for more scholarly pursuits.

One of my favorite writers, when talking about writing, mentions that sometimes a Story just grabs a hold of you and won't let go, and you have to get it out of your system somehow to be able to do the work that pays the bills. And I think I'm at the point. Whenever I sit down to start working on a conference paper over CS Lewis (or driving to and from work, at work, in the shower, in church, etc.) my mind wanders to The Story and more and more of the characterization, the pacing, and plot points becomes obvious, more and more of the world is filled out. Explaining the Story doesn't help, it just crystalizes what I already have and makes me excited to work on it more.

And so that is why I'm taking to film noir class, to better explain the second half of a story that keeps running through my head and won't give me a moments peace.

Thanks for adding the registration feature, now i can post angsty summaries of my days and over-dramatizations of the interpersonal relationships that i see in my friend groups.

Sorry, bad idea.

Perhaps a better use of this would be a plaec to air out story ideas that i haven't quite figured out what to do with - all PG (maybe some PG-13, but no need to worry about discussions on implants and leaderboards).

Or maybe my theories on the techno-future, alternative realities, time travel, and other things that spawn conversations that are epic in both time and tangential ideas brought into the mix.

And maybe i'll use this space for the almost weekly purging of anger at fundamentalists, plugs for Cigarwrits, or my thoughts on the console and terror wars.

But most likely, i'll forget about this page in a month or so (like i've done before, sorry Adam), and bless you all by not making you read my rants and ravings.

I google Uncle Midriff and what do I see? You've got every last one of the results (I feel certain of this without actually clicking on any of them). I remember, before you took that handle as your own, a google search for that phrase (surrounded in quotes, mind) turned up exactly TWO results, and one of them was a PowerPuff Girls episode that referenced the movie (and the other might have been a script?)

I google insignis and somewhere around the 50th result is my LiveJournal that I don't even use (signed up to post on somene else's), and just a hair under the 100th result is my profile on pseudoTheos.

Jerk.

Also did you know that if you click the back button from the Pictures page, it takes you back ... to the pictures page? That is unbelievably awesome!

"The Most Disgusting Thing" reminded me of Bobby Neurotic (here aaand here)...only, her doing it wasn't funny.

This is my first post.